Looks like agreat day for flying, sun is peeking out over some low fog. Headed to Chicago for a set of meetings with a sales channel partner. Yes, most of you reading know what a 'channel partner' is but I've started prepending 'sales' to that around the office - just to emphasize the importance of these people to us. Am lobbying for more resources :-)
I am paying much better attention to my internal dialog these days. I have given my inner voice a new job - to encourage and support me. She's not quite exactly sure what that means, but is tentatively starting that. So when the negative pops up, I catch it and think something better for myself. At this new level of self-awareness, I marvel that I was ever able to get out of bed previously!
But I don't seem to be breathing. For years I've been resisting any of the breathing practice that goes with yoga. Have finally unstubborned enough to learn some techniques and realize how much I use my breath to express discomfort. If I perceive a negative situation, my breath is very shallow. Today, it seems like I'm just not breathing. I'll realize it's been 10 or 15 seconds since I breathed in or out. I have no idea why.
Time to grab a coffee and download my email. Have a great day, all!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Jan 16, 2010
How did it get to be this date already? Seems I was just in Rochester for Christmas.
Dad is now fine, back in his apartment at Crimson Ridge. He's weaker and more frail, not walking at all if he can help it. He's accepting the aids changing him and showering him, which is a relief for all concerned. He was turning them away for a while. In mid-December, he fell 3 days in a row, then couldn't get up. We think it was a combination of being dehydrated from a new medicine and the stress of Christmas. Every time he sees the doctor, he comes away with a new pill. It's insane. He has regular checkups, and they keep giving him new meds that don't really help anything. Greg's talked with the doctor about stopping that. Andrea stopped it at the hospital while he was in there, and the reaction she got was "you're letting him go". He's 82, frail, not fighting for himself and every new med in the past year has not only not helped the symptom for which it was prescribed, it has had a bad side effect. Dude! Time to rethink care for the semi-ill elderly!
I read all the reports from his various CAT scans and other test from his week in the hospital. Nothing really stood out, he's got degenration of the disks in his lumbar spine, his bones show expected degeneration for his age (and it's time to rethink those expectations, too) and bunch of small calcifications throughout his body, whatever that means. In the early 70s, he got really ill - a perforated bowel. They thought it was a perforated ulcer, and started his surgery at his stomach. It was OK, and then they cut lower & lower. Ended up taking out a section of bowel. He was in the hospital in intensive care on IV antibiotics for a couple weeks, obviously recovered. But we now wonder if he was not absorbing calcium right ever since. And I am taking my suppliments and going to the gym to stay strong!
Except right now I have a rotten cold. Came on Thursday afternoon, I sneezed a few times. By that evening I was coughing and spluttering. Stayed home yesterday, did some work through mid afternoon and then I just crashed. Thank god for heating pads, my back ached so badly and the heat helped. I had made some food the weekend before - a big pot of meat sauce, heated some and cooked some pasta. Decided I wanted some cheese, so I started grating it - and just that got me out of breath! I do not understand how that happens with a cold. I'll be weeks getting back to my normal cardio capability at the gym, and since I dislike pushing myself that way, it's not that great to start with. Bummer.
And this is the first cold I've had with the braces on. Last night with my sinuses all full, my head was throbbing and my teeth were too. Too much stuff in my head, and the pressure was building. At the back of my mind I was flirting with a really savage bout of claustrophobia - I was thinking I might want the braces out RIGHT NOW. Fortunately, it passed without much effort. But man, the things I can do to me, in my head - I'd like to harness that power for building a business for me.
Still really like my job. It's getting ever busier as we grow. The company is changing big time - people leaving and coming in, jobs changing. I've struggled with that, which surprises me. I thought I was all down with change, having been through so much in recent years. I believe that some of my problem again is the braces - my head aches for a week after an adjustment, and every few days a new spot inside my ceeks is rubbed raw and hurts. I think that's had me a bit off balance to start. And I am working hard to flow with the changes, not take it personally. To those of you who have talked me off the ledge during this period, I send again my heartfelt thanks! And, I want a business of my own that provides profitable income - enough to retire mortgages and let me travel - and the time flexibility to do so. (Yes, that's a 2010 goal!)
I was going to go down to the Gilroy Outlets with friends today, but I'm thinking I'll be spending most of today in bed instead. The weather is cooperating by being cloudy. I have enough food - I think - and have recently discovered Hulu so I can pass some time as I recover. Tonight I might have a fire in the bedroom fireplace - haven't done that yet. I've lived here for almost a year. I still haven't finished moving in. I have a big resistance to spending more money on furniture and more time looing, so I don't have a coffeee table or the right shelves. My office is sort of set up, but not quite right. And the travel for work starts again next week, and I'm going to be traveling a lot this year too. Just keeping the place moderately clean, my clothes clean, and myself fed and worked out is all the time I want to allocate to my living place. Outside of being sick in bed, I prefer to spend the reat of my time with friends and doing things like golf and hike and bike ride.
Ugh. Everything in my head just solidified. Now I have to mouth breathe. Time to heat up some breakfast and have some coffee, hoping that will help. But the 'blink my eyes and what I wish appears' thing seems to be broken. Means I have to get out of bed. O bother!
Dad is now fine, back in his apartment at Crimson Ridge. He's weaker and more frail, not walking at all if he can help it. He's accepting the aids changing him and showering him, which is a relief for all concerned. He was turning them away for a while. In mid-December, he fell 3 days in a row, then couldn't get up. We think it was a combination of being dehydrated from a new medicine and the stress of Christmas. Every time he sees the doctor, he comes away with a new pill. It's insane. He has regular checkups, and they keep giving him new meds that don't really help anything. Greg's talked with the doctor about stopping that. Andrea stopped it at the hospital while he was in there, and the reaction she got was "you're letting him go". He's 82, frail, not fighting for himself and every new med in the past year has not only not helped the symptom for which it was prescribed, it has had a bad side effect. Dude! Time to rethink care for the semi-ill elderly!
I read all the reports from his various CAT scans and other test from his week in the hospital. Nothing really stood out, he's got degenration of the disks in his lumbar spine, his bones show expected degeneration for his age (and it's time to rethink those expectations, too) and bunch of small calcifications throughout his body, whatever that means. In the early 70s, he got really ill - a perforated bowel. They thought it was a perforated ulcer, and started his surgery at his stomach. It was OK, and then they cut lower & lower. Ended up taking out a section of bowel. He was in the hospital in intensive care on IV antibiotics for a couple weeks, obviously recovered. But we now wonder if he was not absorbing calcium right ever since. And I am taking my suppliments and going to the gym to stay strong!
Except right now I have a rotten cold. Came on Thursday afternoon, I sneezed a few times. By that evening I was coughing and spluttering. Stayed home yesterday, did some work through mid afternoon and then I just crashed. Thank god for heating pads, my back ached so badly and the heat helped. I had made some food the weekend before - a big pot of meat sauce, heated some and cooked some pasta. Decided I wanted some cheese, so I started grating it - and just that got me out of breath! I do not understand how that happens with a cold. I'll be weeks getting back to my normal cardio capability at the gym, and since I dislike pushing myself that way, it's not that great to start with. Bummer.
And this is the first cold I've had with the braces on. Last night with my sinuses all full, my head was throbbing and my teeth were too. Too much stuff in my head, and the pressure was building. At the back of my mind I was flirting with a really savage bout of claustrophobia - I was thinking I might want the braces out RIGHT NOW. Fortunately, it passed without much effort. But man, the things I can do to me, in my head - I'd like to harness that power for building a business for me.
Still really like my job. It's getting ever busier as we grow. The company is changing big time - people leaving and coming in, jobs changing. I've struggled with that, which surprises me. I thought I was all down with change, having been through so much in recent years. I believe that some of my problem again is the braces - my head aches for a week after an adjustment, and every few days a new spot inside my ceeks is rubbed raw and hurts. I think that's had me a bit off balance to start. And I am working hard to flow with the changes, not take it personally. To those of you who have talked me off the ledge during this period, I send again my heartfelt thanks! And, I want a business of my own that provides profitable income - enough to retire mortgages and let me travel - and the time flexibility to do so. (Yes, that's a 2010 goal!)
I was going to go down to the Gilroy Outlets with friends today, but I'm thinking I'll be spending most of today in bed instead. The weather is cooperating by being cloudy. I have enough food - I think - and have recently discovered Hulu so I can pass some time as I recover. Tonight I might have a fire in the bedroom fireplace - haven't done that yet. I've lived here for almost a year. I still haven't finished moving in. I have a big resistance to spending more money on furniture and more time looing, so I don't have a coffeee table or the right shelves. My office is sort of set up, but not quite right. And the travel for work starts again next week, and I'm going to be traveling a lot this year too. Just keeping the place moderately clean, my clothes clean, and myself fed and worked out is all the time I want to allocate to my living place. Outside of being sick in bed, I prefer to spend the reat of my time with friends and doing things like golf and hike and bike ride.
Ugh. Everything in my head just solidified. Now I have to mouth breathe. Time to heat up some breakfast and have some coffee, hoping that will help. But the 'blink my eyes and what I wish appears' thing seems to be broken. Means I have to get out of bed. O bother!
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