I'm on a business trip!

Oh dear readers,
I am so excited I'm practically squeaking. I have just shopped at a Whole Foods for the first time in over 2 years. I almost teared up at the beauty of the jewel-like produce, the friendly face creams, the organic meats, the luscious deli counter all spread out for my perusal. The Universe is talking to me ...

Some weeks back I recieved an email from someone I worked with, back in California. He had been contacted by some folks who wanted him to consult with them about their product strategy. Well, he's too busy launching his own new venture so he thought I might do the job. We have talked for a bit, and yesterday I flew to the Dulles airport (DC area), rented a car, drove to the hotel and this morning started an exploratory 3 days with the good folks at Content Analyst in Reston, VA.

Wow - how stinkin cool. A business trip! A plane flight! A rental car! And I navigated it all with ease & grace.

I am so happy to be doing this again. I'm blogging to you from the Staybridge Suites in Chantilly, VA. I noticed today, leaving Content Analyst to go out to dinner with the crew (a business dinner!! Steak and Cab Sauv!!!) that my rental car is sporting California plates. The Universe is talking to me ...

Of course before I came here I Googled & Yahooed and found what's in the area. Whole Foods! What a treat. I will probably go back tomorrow and stock up on the things I can't find at Wegmans.

This area is great, LOTS of people! It looks so suburban and serene at 10 p.m. 8:30 this morning was a whole nother level. I thought 30 minutes would be plenty of time to go 7.8 miles. HAH! Took 40! But they are people in motion. There's energy here. Stores. Lots of well dressed people driving nice cars. Much different from Rochester. The Universe is talking to me ...

I am still planning on staying in Rochester for at least another year. But I think I cannot stay there full time. It's just too darn slow. So, I am working on getting up and running so I can at least spend months of the year elsewhere. I will admit, yesterday, just before leaving Roch, it was a hot day (95+) and I spent time in the pool. That was fine.

And, I am loving my little house. I have gotten the place set up again. With everything that happened late May, I didn't really get the place back in order after they replaced the floor. But Maggie was making a sweep through New York, and stayed with me on last Saturday night. So, bit by bit, I got the place rearranged and cleaned up. Saturday morning I looked around and thought, "Huh. Looks good." Here are some pics.

My little black dress is sad

We need to cheer up my little black dress. I bought it in Munich, it looks great on me and I pictured taking it out to dinner, sipping wine, dancing in my wicked Italian shoes.



Sigh. Since I've been back in the States, it's only been to 2 funerals. My friend Judy's Mom died a couple weeks ago and her memorial service was last Monday.

I will set my intent to find some 'chums' as my UK friends would say, to go out to the nice restaurants here and get my dress the exposure that it deserves.

Hot summer night

Finally! Summer! Almost full moon, 90 degrees. LOVE nights like this.

Great day - got lots of tasks done early, went to a foreign film downtown, 'Tony Takitani'; oh such a mood! and emotion! go see it! and before the movie, Tanya & I picked up a gorgeous doctor at the coolio coffee house up the street from the theater, dragged him to the movie with us, out for drinks after. Fun fun fun, even though he's into Tanya not me. But he was veryverypolite, so gets points. And he's from another country so even more points.

Beth, the enthusiast, has me golfing. She's in a league and needed a partner for when her regular partner was in calls in the evening. So, 2 weeks ago I golfed on a course for the first time. I SUUUUCCKED! Have taken a couple lessons and my swing is improving and am actually looking forward to playing again on Wednesday. Here's photographic proof, albeit not the best quality (and Beth apologizes for cutting off my legs.)




The pool is clear again, we had a bit of trouble as the previous dwellers in my house put the pool away dirty; may the lice of a thousand camels invade their bedclothes. But it looks great now and I look forward to splashing in it tomorrow.

Life is turning up again, I'm having fun with friends and family. Great start to summer and this week is just going to be amazing.

My life is settling down again

Well dear readers, it has been a hell of a couple months. I have promised myself I will write up the experience of Mom in the nursing home, and then home to die, just because it was an amazing chapter in my life. (Hers too! A toast to transitions!) But later.

Some months ago I had registered for a seminar June 7 - 9 in Chicago, figuring whatever was happening I'd need a break by then. I'm so glad I did. We were absolutely pounded from May 29th - June 1st, putting together Mom's memorial service (it was the afternoon of the 1st). Even though her death was coming, and we could see it coming, we still were scrambling to get things together. Brother John & his wife Amy had made it in for Memorial Day weekend, so they got to see her just before she died. They stayed with me, necessitating the set up of the guest room and getting the place back together after clearing everything out of the ground floor, to get new floors on May 21 and 22. Memorial Day weekend, I slept on an air mattress in my bedroom, as I had been sleeping on the day bed, which is the guest bed (it has a trundle mattress so sleeps 2 just fine.) Well after Mom died, they zoomed home to work like crazy and get back up for the memorial service. We pulled together the service and I bought a bed (yay, Sam's Club) because sleeping on the floor? So not part of my lifestyle anymore unless I'm camping - and as the weather was getting warmer had to deal with the pool.

Side note: I must have been crazy buying a house. Ya know all that advice about not doing anything big right after a life changing transition like divorce? ... Ya should pay attention to that. At least I think I've been amusing the neighbors as I struggle my way through tasks that really need two people. Thank the Universe that they're kind and have been able to help me start the lawn mower, lend me extension cords to get the pool filter running, etc. Watching me figure out how to vacuum the pool must have been a riot!

The memorial service on June 1 went splendidly. We had anticipated having maybe 20 people, as Mom & Dad really left their old life a couple years ago when they moved to their assisted living place. So we picked the small chapel at the memorial park. Mom was cremated, so we planned some picture boards and a simple talk. The people at the memorial park moved us to the big chapel, as it was closer to her niche (for the 'inurnment'. Seriously, that's a word.) And it turned out to be good that we moved because 60 or so people showed up. There was a bus from Crimson Ridge, where Dad lives, discharging 10 people with walkers as we pulled up. 10 or so people from the library, where Mom had worked until she retired in 2000 came. Old neighbors were there, old coworkers of Dad, Mom's sister Pattie, her husband Bernie and my cousins Chris & Jeff made it in - from Florida and Ohio. Dad's brother Jerry, his wife Barbara and their eldest, cousin Julie, her husband Matt and their daughter Naomi made it in from New Hampshire. It was great to see everyone and Dad was very pleased with the event, which is all that really matters.

Monday after the service, Andrea and I started working the finances again. Whole new set of things to do. We did that for 2 days. Then I just went limp for a day. Thursday the 7th, I was sitting the the Rochester airport, waiting on my flight to Chicago. Started working up a real good pity party for me. Tears and everything. I seem to cry in that airport with every flight, lately. Anyhow, thank God I went to that seminar. Hear in your mind the sound of a needle screetching across a record - riiiipp - put an end to that wallow in self pity in a hurry. It was James Rays Harmonic Wealth weekend. Part rah rah James Ray show, mostly great information, many experiential exercises. I got lots of insights into my 'programming' and started really thinking about my mindset and thoughts. What a superb gift to myself. It was intense, too - started at 8 a.m. Friday, went til about 1:30 a.m. Saturday, picked back up at 8 a.m. Saturday, went til 12:30 a.m. Sunday.

I've been steeped in my revelations and working to redirect my life for the past of week. More on that to come, as well as pictures of my little houseen. I did have the ground floors redone on May 21 and 22nd, adding to the general chaos of my life at that time. But they are beautiful and odor-free! Now when I come downstairs in the mornings I smile at the beauty instead of wrinkling my nose at the doggy smell. I've gotten on top of lawn mowing, and can pretty reliably start up the mower when I want. The pool is starting to clear. The previous dwellers in this house didn't put it away clean - imagine that - and I've fished out 3 toys, 1 pair of swim goggles and several bushels of oak leaves so far. Hope to have it clear soon, as it's starting to feel like summer.

Well, gotta go now to my golf lesson, lovey. Do tell the manservant to have the cocktails cold by the time I get home.

the world has changed

Mom died at around 5 a.m. this morning.

It has been amazing to see how strong the human body can be. She took no food since May 18th, and no water since May 19th. We honored her health care proxy and did not force anything on her - and, why? We knew she was dying of dementia/Parkinsons. She didn't. And, so she kept going on. At one point her lungs filled up (perversely, this is a reaction to dehydration) but they cleared with some medication that the hospice nurse recommended that we get. (yay Hospice - what a great help they were.) Her last couple days were gentle, she was taking shallow breaths and we think this morning they just stopped. She looked very much the same as she had when Greg checked on her this morning and found that she was no longer breathing. Calm, no pain. Again, yay Hospice.

I'm a whirlstorm of emotion. i did not have what i would consider a good relationship with this woman. she was pretty unhappy, chronically dissatisfied - i remember one week in high school that started with her bitching at me because I was not at home much, so i stayed home and the week ended with her bitching at me for being home too much. This on top of 5+ years of constant criticism and verbal abuse. And she never asked me why I moved 3,000 miles away.

So, to the giver of my life and shredder of my self esteem and giver of emotional pain - farewell. Hope you have a better life next time. Hope you learned what you needed to, this time. Hope you are finally happy and at peace.

There's gotta be a better way!

Hoo boy. I am sitting at Greg & Andrea's right now, on duty as a home health aid. We brought Mom out of the nursing home here on Monday evening. It's been a very long & tiring week. Fortunately, we have gotten some excellent support from a home-care agency. Lucy, the physical therapist who has been here a couple times actually worked with Mom when she was still in dementia care, 5 months ago. Lucy spotted right away that Mom is no longer turning her head. And Lucy is a magician with a sheet and soaker pad - we have learned how best to move, position, transfer and change Mom. The problem is bending over the bed. Well, if you put your knee up on the bed, it saves your back. Doh! But it took Lucy coaching us for us to get it. It is taking me time to get used to that - because I would never have gotten on Mom's bed. And the early childhood training kicks in automatically. I made a note "Knee ON bed!" and posted it as a reminder.

I would much rather be out on a bike, it's a beautiful day. I am sandwiching in doing my things early in the morning or late at night - mowing the lawn 20 minutes at a time, shopping at Wegmans at 9 p.m. (thank everything for a great 24-hour grocery store! Now if they'd only add in a wine & spirits section I'd be all set.) I am working hard to not default to junk food in front of the TV when I get home at night. I worked out instead, yesterday evening, and am quite proud of that. And this weekend is an anomaly - Greg is sailing with one of Andrea's sisters & her husband, if he was here she & I could have time to get out.

* * *

I am now tasked with ripping out the carpet in the downstairs of my little houseen. With the warm weather, the dog smell is rising. Ugh. I can't even eat in my dining room these days. (Hmm, that helps not eating in front of the TV ... no, no, it's gotta get fixed.) I had wanted to wait until I started pulling income to replace the floors but I revised that decision as I found the smell was making me quite unhappy with the house. So last week I sailed into a flooring store, picked out some beautiful laminate by Armstrong, a superiorly environmental company, and scheduled install on May 21. In addition to pulling out the carpet, I thought I was also going to demo the tile in the kitchen and hall myself. Tried it. That is so not happening by my hands & arms. I can get the tile out, no problem. But the 'concrete board' underneath - no way. It seems quite pathetic - I have been working hard at gaining strength - I can see muscles in my arms when I'm not even "pumped". But man, I just don't have the strength for this! So, I'm paying expert strong people to do it. And they'll haul it away too.

The house is maybe 800 sq ft on the ground floor, and it currenty has 5 different flooring surfaces: carpet in the DR/LR, tile in the kitchen, different tile in the hallway and different tile in the powder room. It's all going to get unified, and I am anticipating that making the place look bigger. Plus it will get rid of those stupid trip-you-up wood strips that cover the transition from each different surface to its neighbor.

* * *
I have started using my 'all-you-can-call' telephone service to connect with friends in California. I had a great conversation with Pat. She has taken a job at Esalen, and is living on site. I plan to make a visit there - it's a beautiful spot on the planet, and now dedicated to spiritual explorations and learning. Our conversation rambled, we were talking about me getting settled in my place. I mentioned that I had bought the book 'Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life'; it's a great guide to Feng Shui. Pat says, excitedly, "Oh I love that book! I have it! I've Feng Shui'ed my yurt!" I had to stop and tell her that only she, in California, at Esalen, could have said that sentance - "I have Feng Shiu'ed my yurt" ... absolutely delightful.

* * *
Two weekends ago I went on a long overdue girl's weekend. It actually was less than 24 hours. Beth and I drove east, Maggie drove west and we met in Saratoga Springs about 3 on Friday afternoon. Beth had found us a place that offered a spa package, 3 people, one night stay and a massage each. It was great to get together, we hadn't been all together for fun since college. We all came prepared - we had 3 bottles of wine, limoncello and one bottle of champagnge between us. Oh yes, we brought apples and crackers and cheese and water too. We were planning on a great time. Started the reunion with our massages, planned to hang out afterwards, get dinner then go out. Note to self - have a massage some other day, instead of the day you plan to go out! We were all so tired, we crashed at about 11. We strolled through the town of Saratoga Springs the next morning, shopped a bit, ate lunch then got back on the road at about 2. So short that it hardly seemed like we'd done it. But it was great to get together and catch up.

* * *
I just changed Mom and then fed her breakfast. This is weird, hard, wonderful, horrifying and incredibly moving all at the same time. Words fail I.

Pastiche - Or - The Sticky Sweet Smell of ... Dog????

Well, many thoughts.

I saw Nancy on Monday, in Trumansberg NY. Too wonderful! It had been 2 years since I saw her face in person, great to hang out. She took me into Ithaca, and I will go back. Fun, funky town and I had not been for some years. On the way, we stopped in Taughannock Falls - and I have this pic as proof!



She and I talked about life in California, her business (FullCalendar.com), our elderly parents. She said something that resonated with me - her parents think she's the same age and capability as them. So does my Dad! He'll say to me "Carole, I don't want you to have to walk that long hallway, so I'll meet you at the door." and I'm like, Dude! I walk 5 miles a day!!! (unfortunate lapse into ValleySpeak, but it illustrates the point.)He thinks I have the same (severely deteriorated) capabilities that he does. So Nancy's story tells me that this is an 'old parent' think, not just an old person thing. Note to Self.

...

So I'm going to move up the schedule on replacing the flooring on the ground floor of the house. I want to Greg & Andreas' over the weekend, to help with getting ready to bring Mom there (!!!) and also to borrow the carpet cleaner. I was sure that the last time my carpet was cleaned (by Greg, yay for brothers!) that he didn't rinse and I was smelling carpet shampoo. Well, they had just done a rug in their house, and the smell of the shampoo was not the same. Hmmm. Greg said, "That sticky sweet smell? That's dog pee!" EEEUW!!! I had lived with a dog, long ago, but she didn't pee in the house. So I shampooed and rinsed twice and the smell is still there. That's it, the floors are getting redone. I had wanted to wait until I had earned some income this life but I can't even eat in my dining room as the smell is rising with the warming weather.

...

Another fun thing I did this weekend was fight with Microsoft Works, Word and Excel. Andrea is the secretary for the Grandview Heights neighborhood association, and she is trying to get the newsletter out (while getting ready to move Mom into her house !!!) So I was trying to get old excel files to do a mail merge to print labels out. She's only got MS Works, and it didn't. So I ran back home, got my laptop, ran back to her place and set it up. Converted the names file into excel and finally figured out the mail merge. Had to install her printer drivers, and it brought my laptop to its knees three times. Needed a hard reset to get going again. But finally, we have labels. And I need to get a desktop machine. I want an OSX Mac. Again, was wanting to wait for income before I splashed out for the new computer. Oh well.

...

At least I have been having lots of fun pushing metal around in the gym. That, plus Yoga plus the crazy busy days have led to my new jeans purchase. My Lucky jeans, size 10, were from before I went to Germany. A bit large so I went to replace them a couple weeks ago. Lord & Taylor in Eastview Mall carries that brand and I got a replacement. Here I am, wearing my size FOUR Lucky Jeans!!! Whoo hoo!!