Well, I wrote down my goals for 2009. Ambitious as always. But not entirely me, if recent actions would prove. Turns out white wine is a really bad idea for me. One glass the other night had me in a fugue. Over a move at work. OK, it's been 4 months since I've had a spot of my own there, a coworker essentially moved into my office and kicked me out while I was on vacation in Israel and I have ben a nomad ever since - all the while coming to the realization that I need to put 150% behind my work there (hello? 100 days in Rochester in 08, 30 days on planes, 7 weeks on the road ... plus very hard work - think I'm dedicated???)
Sales meeting to kick off 2009 was this week; was having a grand time immersing myself in the team. But Tuesday night, made the mistake of having one glass of white wine at the sales team dinner, then reading email. The email was titled "good news and bad news" and the body was how I needed to move out of the space I was currently in, by the next evening. ... and that was it. No destination, just kicked out AGAIN. My reply was "And the good news would be, exactly what?" and my mood just spiraled down from there. Ended in tears. I went out of the dinner to compose myself, was gone for 25 mins, no one noticed. (that sure didn't help!!) And I told myself a pity story about no one noticing and things just got blacker from there. Why do I do this? ... I guess I must must need sad. Plan for 09, really to believe "let everything that happens be OK".
Woke up the next morning remembering a bad patch a few months ago. Have put a note in my calendar - "white wine BAD! makes you cry". Hope to avoid this in the future. Even one glass only had a big effect on me. Oof. Remembering a white wine and Frito dinner of Feb o6. Not good.
I am so disgusted at the seesaw I put myself on. But talking with others, it seems like the human condition. How the heck do we ever get anything done?
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